Best The Gift of Fear By Gavin de Becker
Download PDF The Gift of Fear By Gavin de Becker
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Ebook About A Special Kindle Edition of The Gift of Fear, with a new Foreword by the author.A stranger in a deserted parking lot offers to help carry a woman's groceries. Is he a good Samaritan or is he after something else? A fired employee says "You'll be sorry." Will he return with a gun? After their first date, a man tells a woman it is their "destiny" to be married. What will he do when she won't see him again? A mother has an uneasy feeling about the nice babysitter she's just hired. Should she not go to work today? These days, no one in America feels immune to violence. But now, in this extraordinary groundbreaking book, the nation's leading expert on predicting violent behavior unlocks the puzzle of human violence and shows that, like every creature on earth, we have within us the ability to predict the harm others might do us and get out of its way. Contrary to popular myth, human violence almost always has a discernible motive and is preceded by clear warning signs. Through dozens of compelling examples from his own career, Gavin de Becker teaches us how to read the signs, using our most basic but often most discounted survival skill - our intuition. The Gift of Fear is a remarkable, unique combination of practical guidance on leading a safer life and profound insight into human behavior.Book The Gift of Fear Review :
Years ago, I had a strange encounter. My car was stalled in heavy traffic, I pushed it onto a side street (I'm a guy) and tried to restart it. A guy showed up (older and slender) offering help. I refused his help but the hung around trying anyway. Said he saw me and had his wife drop him off to assist and she'd be back in a minute. She never came back for him. I got the car started and felt obligated to give the guy a lift, he lived two streets over.When he got in the car, I suddenly felt DANGER radiating at me from the passenger seat. It actually felt like a heat lamp burning my skin, a physical presence I'd never felt before or since. I went to FULL RED ALERT, and was on edge until I got him to his house. I let him out with the car in reverse and my foot ready to stomp the gas. He held his hand out for a shake I didn't feel like, but we're trained to BE POLITE so I took it. This wussy looking guy had a grip like iron. As I left, the danger feeling stopped and I eventually forgot about it.Fast forward to finding this book. As I read it, that incident came back to mind. I realized he had lied repeatedly and tried to manipulate me, taking advantage of my society-trained compulsion to be "nice" to a pushy stranger. My subconscious noticed all the things I ignored, added them up and decided he was trouble. Bigger trouble than I'd ever met and it made damn sure I paid attention.And that's exactly what this book teaches you to do. LISTEN to your instincts and OBEY them, don't endanger yourself to "be polite" to someone who makes you nervous. That danger signal may have saved my life, and I'm not an easy target.I have bought, loaned and given away at least ten copies of this book. Everyone thanks me profusely and passes it on to someone else they care about. Get it for you, get it for a loved one. Get it for the women in your life, who are unfortunately preferred targets for criminals. Ignore the second half, it's all about workplace and profiling. But the first half could save your life, or that of someone you love. BUY IT NOW. I spent 20 years on the streets in local law enforcement. I always felt that the Temporary Restraining Orders (TRO) we served on stalkers and spousal abusers were as worthless, in most cases, as the paper they were written on. Usually they simply served as a salve to sooth our justice system's guilt over unwillingness or inability to take strong and immediate action, or develop alternative solutions. As Gavin de Becker so aptly points out, when it comes to committed stalkers and abusers, not only are they not afraid of a piece of paper, it incents them to even a higher degree of activity and perhaps violence. The author makes an excellent case that we should be much more judicious in evaluating such cases against a threat matrix and respond in different ways depending on the nature of the threat.I also greatly appreciate the author's discussion of the origins of fear and how important it has been in allowing mankind to develop. In addition to the twenty years I spent in law enforcement, I am also a Certified Body Language trainer and teach the power of nonverbal communication. As research has shown, what we call women's intuition is in reality the fact that women, on average, are far better at picking up nonverbal cues than men. That "intuition" was absolutely essential for the females of our species to survive in a very hostile world, where they were of slighter stature and needed to quickly detect threats around them. As the primary caregiver to children they also needed to be able to effectively interpret the cues and needs of infants and small children before spoken language.One interesting study involved showing short film clips with the sound turned off to groups of men and women. Women scored an incredible 87% accuracy in evaluating the situation shown in the video. Afraid guys we only scored 42%. fMRI scans reveal women use 14-16 regions of their brains during communication, while men only 4-6 areas (most women probably would dispute giving us that much credit-:)In modern society, in the interest of being "polite", we often suppress our natural intuition, our gut feelings. Back in my police career we didn't even have a term called Body Language. We only knew it as "street-smarts". One of my great fears has to do with my beautiful wife's suppression of her natural intuition around strangers, in the interest of being polite and non-judgemental. The nature of my our respective careers requires us to live in a dense urban area, surrounded by all sorts of threats. Dark parking lots, underground garages, elevators and streets filled with street people and drug addicts. While our building is very secure, once you are on the streets it's a whole different ball game. She has terrific intuition when she uses it. She is like a perfectly honed tuning fork when she is willing to trust her intuition, but due to her kind and trusting nature, she often suppresses it in the interest of being all-inclusive and accepting.Gavin de Becker's loud message to women, Trust your gut, Don't suppress your intuition, Don't worry about hurting some stranger's feelings is a powerful one. It is my hope that my wife and every woman will be willing to read the book, reflect on all the powerful stories in The Gift of Fear, including the author's personal story. 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